FRIDAY'S SCRIPT TIP:

WHAT'S YOUR LINE?

Screenwriting is distilled writing. Finding the essence of your story so that every scene in your screenplay works to tell your story. No padding, no filler materials, no beef byproducts - 100% organic screenwriting!

Studio readers have to distill 110 pages of screenplay into a "logline" - a one sentence description that sums up the entire story. Like the blurb TV Guide will use when your film plays on HBO or Netflix or the Independent Film Channel or network TV. Many writers think loglines are evil... I think we can use them to help us focus our stories... before we write them. Loglines can help us have a clearer picture of what our scripts are supposed to be before we begin writing, or create guidelines when we're fine tuning our scripts in rewrites.

Often at a pitchfest or class when I hear someone pitch their script and the story is all over the place and makes no sense, I can almost guarantee the script has the same problems. If you can't get a handle on what your script is about, you're probably in trouble. Because a movie is viewed in one gulp - unlike a novel, which is usually read over a period of many days - the story needs to be focused. Not scattershot. Not overly-plotted. A screenplay is to the point. If you can't get a clear enough handle on your story to create a logline, that usually indicates problems with the story itself.

A logline can show you the flaws in your story... before you write it.

The main purpose of a logline is to give the agent or producer the *idea* behind your script. Our first - and maybe even most important - creative step is your story idea. The whole script starts with that idea and is built on that idea. Every character, every scene, every line of dialogue starts with that idea. And a brilliantly written script with a boring idea is a boring script. You need to start with a *creative* and *imaginative* idea. An idea that we haven't heard before. An idea that sounds interesting and emotionally engaging and exciting. If the idea itself is boring, what are the odds that the rest of the script will be imaginative and creative?

A good logline perfectly describes the story in around 25 words. Distilling everything down to the lead character and his/her internal and external conflicts...

* A city born policeman must overcome his fear of water in order to protect his family and resort town from a giant man-eating shark (JAWS).
* A farm girl learns to appreciate her home and family when a tornado whisks her to an alien world run by witches (THE WIZARD OF OZ).
* A struggling actor has to get over his ex-girlfriend and broken heart before he can find love in the Hollywood singles scene through swing dancing (SWINGERS).

All three of these examples use around 25 words.

THE WHOLE STORY?

Because the purpose of a logline is to tell the agent or producer what your screenplay is about, don't hint - spell it out. You need to make sure that your GREAT idea is in the logline. A logline isn't just Act 1 of your story, it's *all* of your story. So if you have a script like Joseph Stefano's PSYCHO (based on the novel by Robert Bloch), where there's a huge twist at the end of Act 1 and our supposed protagonist is murdered, you want to find the logline that describes the whole story... and that story isn't about Marion Crane stealing money from her boss to start a new life with her fiancé, it's about the Bates Motel, shy Norman Bates and his domineering and murderous mother... who often kills people who stay at the motel. People like Marion Crane. She is part of the larger story, not the focus of the whole story. The *whole* story is about Norman and his mother, and that's what your logline should reflect.

PSYCHO also has a big twist at the end - this is a question many people ask: should I include the twist end in my logline? Well, you've got around 25 words to describe the *entire* story, I don't think you'll be able to squeeze in that twist end. But the larger question - is the twist the story? If so, something is wrong with your script! A twist is not a whole story! Does the audience sit there, bored, until the big end twist? I hope not! So what is the story *before* that twist? THE SIXTH SENSE isn't about the twist at the end, it's about a child psychologist trying to help a disturbed little boy who sees dead people. If your story isn't creative and imaginative and interesting without the twist, you have a serious problem.

You want us to read your logline and drop everything to read the script. If it's horror - I want to know what the horror *is* and have my imagination coming up with all kinds of potential scenes. A good logline sparks the reader's imagination. Focus on the conflict in your script... and make sure there is a character in the center of that conflict. Movies are about people.

A few years ago I did an experiment - I created a logline "live" for one of my new screenplays on the Writer's Building message boards. Here's the transcript...

* * *

Okay, this is completely off the top of my head, so it will probably suck...

An executed serial killer's shadow continues his rampage, starting with the 12 execution witnesses and the pretty reporter who broke his story.

I'm hoping you imagined the pretty reporter surrounded by shadows - one is the killer's. You know, it leaves out the race against time thing - the reporter trying to warn each victim and failing. So maybe I need to work on that.

A pretty reporter races to stop the shadow of an executed serial killer from murdering the 12 members of the "Death Jury"... that she was a member of.

I don't know - is that confusing? The Death Jury thing may not work. And "pretty" makes her sound more like a fashion model than a character. I used "pretty" to give you the sex of the reporter, but maybe there's a better way? 28 words, can I trim it down to 25 and give *more* information?

A single-mom reporter races to stop the *shadow* of an executed serial killer from murdering the twelve witnesses to his execution... including her.

Is that better or worse? Kind of clumsy, but I'm making it up in real-time, here. This is off the top of my head. "Instant logline". I got it down to 25 words, and "single mom" gives us more information than "pretty" and tells us what's at stake for our protagonist... and hints at that big juicy scene in the script where she must rescue her son from the killer.

One thing I'm trying to do with this script is have the killer's shadow thing as the high concept, and the Death Jury (a real thing in CA) as a secondary cool idea. I did research on who ends up being a witness to an execution and what happens at the execution - and these elements are fascinating. That's the arena for the shadow-killer story... and it got left out of the new logline. It's alluded to with "twelve witnesses", but maybe I need the phrase "death jury" in there?

What I like about this logline is that it has a "punchline" - that she is one of the witnesses on the death list. Her life is in danger. By putting that at the very end of the logline, it's like a punchline in a joke - a zinger. It's a twist at the end of the logline... and it raises the stakes - turns the story from professional to personal. Now *her* life is in danger... and her child's life.

This story was set up at Lifetime for a *nano-second* because she's a single mom reporter. They had a producer and a director lined up... then they read the "wimpy draft" and thought it was just too scary for Lifetime. They'd *really* hate it now that I've turned it into a full-blown horror script. Even though it's more of a "classic" style horror - more dread than gore - it still has enough gruesome stuff to play to today's audience.

One of the elements that I like about this story is that you can't escape from shadows. They're everywhere... and any one of them could turn into the killer. I want the audience to leave the cinema afraid of their own shadows. That's in the script, but the best I can do in the logline is hint at it.

* * *

Your logline needs to tell them what the concept of the story is - and be juicy and exciting enough to make them want to read the script. And the *concept* of your screenplay needs to knock their socks off. You may have to come up with 100 ideas before you find the good one... the one worth scripting. You need a unique concept and you need to EXPLORE that concept. Find the very best way to use that concept - an ACTIVE way to explore it rather than a PASSIVE story. If you give your character the power to change the world - they have to actually change it. You can't just have them think about it (passive) or change some small thing (wimpy) - you need them to make the biggest and most dramatic change possible. Take it to the limit. One of the things a logline exposes is the stakes. You want your script to be the most important incident in your character's life. A life or death situation, or a big life changing event. If your logline makes your story sound boring, you may not be telling the best story.

When you distill your script down to a logline, you end up with the essence of the story - the essential story. And that story needs to be different than any other story out there. The closest thing to a killer shadow I could find was an episode of the New Twilight Zone from the 80s about a shadow under a boy's bed who kills his enemies. Maybe there's some film I missed - but most of the audience isn't going to know it, either. The only movies about the "death jury" are reporters-race-to-find-evidence-the-convicted-dude-is-innocent stories (which go in the same file as the drunk ex-cops... been there, done that!) - so that aspect is unique to horror.

You want them to read the logline and say to themselves "I must have this, and I don't already have one like it." Your logline needs to be original, interesting, and sum up the whole story... in about 25 words.

Okay, I've done the 25 word logline for my script, it's your turn...

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***

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BEST SELLER!

*** YOUR IDEA MACHINE *** - For Kindle!

*** YOUR IDEA MACHINE *** - For Nook!

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*** DIALOGUE SECRETS *** - For Nook!

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