THURSDAY'S SCRIPT TIP:

LOOSENING UP

Everybody wants tight dialogue, but nobody wants stiff dialogue. We want our dialogue to be limber and relaxed. To do that we need to loosen it up, get rid of those complete sentences that make our characters sound as if their 3rd grade teacher was in the room waiting to correct them. We want our dialogue to sound, loose, unplanned and improvised... as if our characters were just making it up as they go along. The movie JUNO has clever dialogue, but it seems like characters are making it up as they go along. It sounds "real" for those particular characters - and that is "movie real" rather than real real. You want dialogue to have the *appearance* of reality, but not the boredom of real dialogue. You want *entertaining* dialogue.

If you were to take a tape recorder out into the real world and record an actual conversation you would find very few complete sentences. When I did this several years ago, I ended up getting one guy who spoke only in belches - different tones had different meanings. That might be too realistic for a movie, but an episode of WEST WING once had Sam Seaborn replying to almost every sentence with variations of "Yeah". Resigned "Yeah", enthusiastic "Yeah", bored "Yeah", and even that special reading of "Yeah" that means "not on your life".

Usually I can hear the character speaking in my head (yes, I am crazy). But that doesn't mean it just flows out perfectly, I still need to work with it. And sometimes a character starts out one way and then something happens in rewrites that makes the character come alive... and I have to rewrite the dialogue to fit the new (improved) character.

So many things are part of making dialogue sound natural. The main thing is to make sure the dialogue doesn't have to carry the story - the actions of the characters tell the story. That frees up dialogue to be playful and interesting. Also, make sure none of your characters knows what the other *means* exactly. In real life we don't really know what the other person is after, so we're trying to figure it out as we speak. Think of how lines can be misunderstood, how conversation can be side-tracked to what the character *thinks* the other fellow is talking about. This exposes character.

Dialogue can seem stiff and overly mannered for many reasons. One is the over-use of personal pronouns. In a novel you might have a character say "That might be dangerous, Joe" because we need to be reminded of who is talking and who they are talking to. On screen that information is given to us visually - we can SEE that he's talking to Joe. So calling characters by name is giving the audience redundant information. Shouldn't he KNOW he's talking to Joe? If we can see Joe up there on screen, why can't he? So go through your dialogue and try to eliminate every personal pronoun. Don't worry about the audience not knowing your character's name - that's not as important as you think it is. We never learn the name of Joan Fontaine's character's name in REBECCA... and that film won the Oscar for Best Picture.

Next treat your dialogue exactly like you treat your scenes - start when the sentence gets good and finish when there's no more information. That means you'll probably end up with what my third grade teacher Mrs. Klauser called "sentence fragments", but we aren't trying to get an A in English, here, we're trying to create realistic sounding dialogue. Often I will go through the script and cut the first word or two from each sentence. You'd be surprised how often these words aren't needed, and in real life unused. Sometimes you have to keep an eye on this - as if often creates a specific sound to the dialogue that might make all of your characters sound alike. You want *individualized* dialogue for all of your characters, so you may end up chopping the first couple of words off the sentences for one of your characters and leaving the rest alone... or maybe finding some other way to loosen up dialogue for another character.

Remember that the root word of conversation is converse, and that dialogue is going to be a verbal battle between two people - they are bound to cut each other off before they finish their sentences.

Redundant information of any kind needs to be cut from dialogue. Instead of saying "I think that you are an idiot!" a character is going to say "You're an idiot!" We KNOW it's what they think, so that's redundant information. In real life, people use contractions and leave out words and jump right into the middle of a conversation if the other person knows what they are talking about. We don't need to explain every detail of things that happened before, we can allow the audience to play catch-up. The audience doesn't have to know what the conversation is about before the conversation, you can reveal important information DURING the conversation. If Jane is talking to Betty about her ex-husband Jack, we don't need to have her say: "You know my ex- husband Jack?" at the beginning of the conversation. If it's critical for the audience to know that Jack is her ex-husband, she can just start complaining about Jack, and have Betty reply, "You married him" and have Jane counter with, "And divorced him." Instead of getting exposition, it's broken into conversation. WE want our dialogue to bounce back and forth between characters, gaining energy and momentum like a super-ball. We want dialogue to move so fast that there's no time for those complete sentences our 3rd grade English teachers would approve of. Get rid of stiff dialogue by loosening up your conversations.

Film dialogue gives the appearance of realism, but is *better* than real dialogue.

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